i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
