My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
My cat gives me a boner
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
