I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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