Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
