i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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