Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
