A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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