HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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