The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
