so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
