I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
