At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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