ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
