My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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