o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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