If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
