Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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