im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I fill condoms, not promises.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
