You really coming over, don't trick.
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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