hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
