:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
