I hate all girls vehemently.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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