So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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