She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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