her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
FUCK WHALES
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
