There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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