***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He did a backflip because drugs
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
