Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
