nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
