I wish I only lived at night.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
