you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
