So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
