Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
