i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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