chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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