i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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