I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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