how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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