She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
