Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
