So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
