I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
