I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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