u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
