I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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