According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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