So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
