I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
