If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
