he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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