party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I can't turn off my feet"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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