when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
