and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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