you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
