i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
