So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
