When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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