you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
