just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
