Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
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